One More Day

So we were heading up the I 75 and Sylvana wasn't sure where her purse was, turns out it's back in Atlanta at Griff & Toni's house. I can't imagine how disappointed her parents will be.
So we get to stay in Toledo (which will take another 9 hours starting now) I'm glad we are delayed by one day. This trip has been so long and varied I'm going to need one day before crossing over the border just to process half of what we have seen. From Chicago to Salt Lake City in 26 hours, then San-Francisco, San Jose, LA, Las Vegas, The Grand Canyon, getting stuck and fixing the brakes in Flagstaff Arizona, where we watched a disappointing Nightmare on Elm street remake and then got kicked out of the Cinema parking lot for sleeping in the car.
A dust storm on I-40 West through Flagstaff, which made us take the long road and see some Elk! The Coolant leaking every 40 miles by the time we drove halfway through Texas, and we had to relfill it constantly all the way to New Orleans. New Orleans Crawfish! Getting the coolant hoses and water pump fixed. Up to Bethany and David's wedding outside of Washington D.C. Two weeks in Florida, doing stand-up, eating seafood and lying on the Beach, up to Atlanta to spend some great days with Griff (one the most hilarious and spiritual people I have ever come across), Toni, and their wonderful family.
Now we're in a Starbucks off the highway near Lexington, Kentucky. There are lot of of fascinating people and places in the United States of America, and I can't wait to get into some of the stories with all of you in person and in future entries.
And if you haven't yet, listen to Jethro Tull's "Aqualung" album. It fucking rocks.

On our way back up

Finished my two weeks in Florida. Had a blast playing eight shows at the Coconuts Comedy clubs. I always like to end on a high note, and Saturday was back to back good shows. First at a Nudist resort called Caliente, which was my first time performing in front of some naked people. Only about a quarter of the audience had no clothes on, but the guy whose cell phone rang was completely naked of course, who knows where he keeps the thing.
For my birthday on Sunday we went to the Lowry Park Zoo in Tampa, I got to see some Orang-utans, feed a Giraffe and pet some Stingrays. I also got in for free because it was my berfday! On the way into the zoo I found an 16GB iPod touch in the parking lot. I checked the address book for contacts...empty, address book for phone numbers...empty I was pretty excited, thinking the universe gave me an iPod, when I found an e-mail that they sent to themselves. Dammit! So I`ve sent an e-mail to Teri Blevins, and I`m waiting to hear back. It`s been two days and nothing yet thought so maybe she doesn`t care about her iPod as much as I do.
For dinner we went to Skipper`s Smokehouse in Tampa. Best oysters I`ve had in the U.S. and some great other seafood. There`s an outdoor stage and live bands playing every night. We had only sat down for a couple minutes when suddenly we hear a flute rocking out while the band plays a Jethro Tull track. This may not mean much to anyone reading, but we only have a cassette player in the Saturn and we`ve been listening to Aqualung album non-stop.
Now in Atlanta, just staying at my friend Griff`s house. I`ve only met this guy three times, but we`re like old friends. We`re going to make a short cartoon about a Wolf and a Manatee have our voices and talk about our lives.
Spending one more in Atlanta. One night in Nashville tomorrow, then back up north to London, Ont for Pearl`s (Sylvana`s niece) birthday by the 18th.

Last show in St. Pete's

We're in Miami. My first headlining week at Coconuts is over. After three nights with crowds of 8 people, Friday night being a particularly special night, there was Saturday. Saturday the room was sold out, the crowd seem really responsive to the other four acts, but by the time I got on they were pretty drunk. It was much less of comedy act and more of me just trying to ring-lead a bunch of drunks the whole night. I don't mind some heckling, in fact I welcome a little back and forth throughout the show, but this was just a few people so wasted they wouldn't keep their mouth shut. One woman who actually talked to me before the show, mentioning that she didn't want to be made fun of, and was worried because they were in the front row, ended up interrupting my set at least five times yelling "What's your guitar there for?" Literally pounding her elbow on the table yelling "Play your guitar". How a woman could go from not wanting attention to screaming out orders in the front row? Alcohol. And that was one thing I was happy about. Even though I never really got the chance to tell many jokes that night, at least Bob (one of the nicest guys I've ever met) made some money. The show was divided up by three really drunk people who wouldn't stay quiet, and then about eighty in the back who wanted a show, but never really got one. The show basically ended with me telling drunk people to 'shut the fuck up' and everyone cheering. Not exactly the message I'm trying to get across, but some nights are just like that.
We are lucky enough to be staying at my grandmother's place in Miami for the next few days. There's a full kitchen to cook in. After over a month on the road, you can't understand how good that feels.

Gigging in Florida

Alright a whole bunch has happened since the last write up, but I'm going to mainly focus on what's up now, aside from a quick catch up. So we got a call the next day in New Orleans that the Saturn needed a new lower and upper coolant hose, new water pump, thermometer, and power steering belt. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else, but they could have said the car needed some new di-lithium crystals to drive the flux capacitor and my answer would have been the same..."okay." But with a tab of $970, I checked with another shop that said they'd do it for $760. Initially the shop said they wouldn't do it, but when I went to pick up the car, and extremely energetic woman named Terri told me to wait and they ended up matching it. That was a major relief because I didn't have to drive to the other shop and the one with Terri was a short walk from the Hotel. The next day, when Sylvana and I went to pick up the car, we told Terri about our trip and she started to open up about one she would be going on soon. This trip Terri was taking would be different. She told us that her 15 year old son had passed away two years ago, and his heart and lungs had been donated. So she was heading on a trip to visit the people that were saved by her son. It was absolutely beautiful. She even said the woman who had her son's heart was talking about how they'll go out drinking and Terri said "My son's too young to drink." What an amazing outlook.
So the car was fixed, New Orleans is like a Disneyland for drunks, and I made it to Frankie & Johnny's, and ate 2lbs of boiled crawfish, as delicious as I could have ever imagined.
A wedding in Maine, and then back down to St. Pete's Beach in Florida. I've been headlining Coconuts comedy club here at the Tradewinds. So far it been crowds of eight people every night, but surprisingly the shows have been consistently great. Last night I got my first shot (Petrone) sent up to me on stage, and really had all eight of them the whole time. It's actually been a great challenge to headline with such small crowds, and keep them the whole time. Bob, who owns coconuts, came out last night and talked about me coming back for their 25th Anniversary, and also doing some gigs for troops in Honduras or Guantanamo Bay. I didn't think Guantanamo was still open, but I might as well cheer up those poor torturing bastards.
Gotta go do the last show.

Update Finally

Sunset Blvd

So there's been a big gap since I last wrote. After our stop in San Francisco we headed to LA ended up there much longer than anticipated because of an editing job I had. I also got the chance to do some sets at the Comedy Store while we were there.
Then it was Vegas for two days where we stayed in the giant black Pyramid hotel called the Luxor. It looks like it came straight out of an 80's sci-fi flick and smelled a bit like one to. Vegas was not as big and bright as I'd always imagined. I think the struggling economy really shows in Vegas as there are just not as many people throwing their money around. The Luxor itself felt like a dying old castle, once glorious, but far too large to maintain it's opulence. We went to see a Chris Angel show in the hotel because it was cheap. Man did he phone in that show. He actually used bright lights and flash bulbs to temporarily blind you while he made the switch to another place. Once we were all done wiping our eyes and saw Chris Angel 'appear' somewhere else, I can't say I was mesmerized.

From Vegas to the Grand Canyon. We camped just outside and then made our way into the Canyon the next day. The GC is something that everyone should witness at least once. I'm planning on heading back to trip down into it for sure.
As soon as we started to leave the Canyon a red warning light started to flash on the car indicating that our engine coolant was dangerously low. So we stopped for an hour, re-filled the thing and kept on driving. As we headed outside of Grand Canyon territory into Flagstaff, AZ, the car started making a heavy scraping sound whenever we applied the breaks. We missed the auto shop by a few minutes so ended up going to see the 'Nightmare on Elm Street' re-make, (not as good as the original, but look out for Micro Naps!) and tried to sleep in the car in the Harkin Theatre Parking Lot, but the security guard woke us up, so we ended up parking right outside the Sears Auto Shop and sleeping there.
I-40 Closure. You can see the dust storm in the distance.

A day in Flagstaff, and $360 later, we have new front brake pads and rotors, and head off on the I-40 to trek into New Orleans, with a stop in Santa Fe. Only 20min along the I-40 East and they end up closing the Interstate due to high winds. Back in Flagstaff to re-route, end up driving through some amazing AZ countryside, see some Elk.
Once in Texas the low coolant light came on again, only sooner than before. Basically our little coolant leak has turned into a big one, and by the time we were heading into Texas, I was stopping every 30 miles to completely refill it. After a 21hour drive from the middle of Texas into New Orleans Louisiana, and several gallons of anti-freeze later, we are finally in The Big Easy. The car is in the shop to see if it's worth fixing, and we're in the French Quarter. This city is amazing. Last night, even on a Monday, there were countless live bands playing, people smoking inside and you can drink on the street.
Booze is so cheap in this country. We bought a 12 of Pabst for $7.50, I think that's almost too cheap. That is just begging everyone to become alcoholics.
Not worrying about the car too much right now. We'll find our tomorrow if it's worth fixing, or if our beloved Saturn will be put to rest in New Orleans.
Sorry for 10 day delay in the blog. It's been a lot of driving and sleeping, but I'm going to make an effort to pick up the frequency again. There's definitely some more stories to tell. Like the Jewelery salesman in San Francisco who tried to up-sell so much, that it went beyond salesmanship and bordered on some kind of social disorder. More on that soon.

Louisiana Sunrise

San Francisco Part 2

Our final day in San Francisco we woke up from night filled with sushi and pitchers of Sapporo, more on that later. Sly wanted to check out Lombard, 'The Crookedest Street in San Francisco', so we passed by there on the way back to Fisherman's Wharf, this was our second time there because we're both fiends for seafood and they serve it fresh from the ocean. We also wanted to go to the Musee Mecannique for a second time because we're also both huge dorks and wanted to take more photos of the old coin-op machines with the new 50mm lens we bought. The 50mm is good for low light and has a narrow depth of field to make for some great looking portrait shots. The Musee Mechannique was just a bonus we had no idea existed. It's basically a massive collection of different old coin operated machines. A lot of them were definitely not kids' games. You had mechanical baseball, saloon shootouts and Pixieland. But then there was also machines like 'Opium Den' or 'English Execution', the first one is basically a mechanical 60 seconds in the life of an Opium Den, complete with dealers, smack addicts, dragons and the angel of death. The english execution showed a prison facade and when you insert a quarter the doors open up to reveal a hooded man about to be hanged. A priests raises his arms up and down several times and then a trap door opens up and the dude hangs! Fun for the whole family! There was also a bunch of the original peep show booths like 'See what the Belly Dancer Does On Her Day Off', where you look into a old box with a viewfinder to see old black and white photos of nearly nude women posing with ukuleles. This stuff used to turn people on. Oh how times have changed. I wonder what a chap from the 1920's would think if he looked into the viewer and saw '2 girls 1 cup'. I'm guessing it would break his brain.

Picked up some 'Victoria Bitters' beer from Ghirardelli Square. It's this Australian beer that my brother in law Brian begged me to pick up. Apparently this Cellar 360 is the only place that sells it on the continent.
For our last night, we went to Ryoki, the sushi place that had been highly recommended, and as soon as we walked in there was a line all the way up the stairs, already a good sign.
As we're waiting, these two guys in front of us, do the San Francisco thing by making friendly remarks & asking us where we're from etc.
They get called to their table, wish us a good rest of our trip, and disappear into the back. Minutes later, the Japanese hostess approaches Sylvana and I, and tells us that the guys who were in front of us are very special customers and have invited us to sit in the blue room in the back with us. So we did.
After four pitchers of Sapporo, three shots of Sake, and some of the best fish I've ever tasted, we crawl out from the back room of Ryoki, having closed the place, and our new friends Chris and Jesus, have apparently taken care of everything. The kindness of strangers is always refreshing, and even more so when it involves your favorite food and a bunch of booze. Thanks for making our last night in San Francisco so delicious, drunk and hilarious.
Was up at the San Jose Improv Wednesday night for "Big Al's Big Ass Comedy Show". Great looking stage, room, and the audience couldn't have been more game for a show. After the show, we went to a nightclub called 'Toons' around the corner. The place was like any nightclub; loud music, coloured lights, and lots of people that I'm afraid of. I had shared a 'cigarette' with the generous Improv manager, Justin, so my fear of most people in nightclubs only increased after our trip from the parking lot. That was until this 40yr old couple, who arrived from 1982 via time machine, came into the bar and started dancing. These two came out of nowhere, and somehow the sight of them made me feel that as long as they were there busting a move, nothing dangerous was going to happen to me. Pretty soon BIg Al, and Justin left the bar, and finally, when the 80's guardian angel couple made their exit, I was no longer safe, so Sylvana and I headed towards LA.

San Francisco!

Hey! So the Sylvana and I have been in San Francisco since Saturday night, and holy ballsack this place is nice. We weren't in the city for more than a few hours and it is ridiculous how pleasant and altogether human the people of San Francisco are. I'm not exaggerating when I say that several times a day, Sylvana and I will be walking down the street and have people coming the opposite way, make eye contact and just say 'hello' with a smile. Of course there's unpleasant people, like late last night Sylvana and I were wandering the streets, looking for something to eat and when I asked one drunk dude if he knew where we could grab some grub, he just brought me in lovingly for a hug and gently whispered in my ear "Just f**k a bitch in the ass". Sylvana assumed he was just hugging me so was actually going "Awwwww," when he did it, which only made the guy very confused at how receptive she was to his misogyny.
Yesterday I was lying on the street, to take a photo of a pigeon lying on the street, (that sentence is confusing I know, but we were both lying there...pigeon photos to come!) and these two thugged out guys, walking in full intimidating gansta swing, walked completely around, avoiding my shot.
My pal Darryl Lenox put in a good word for me at Punch Line comedy club here so I was able to do a spot there Sunday night. There were over 30 comics hanging around, or waiting to get on the show, so I got to meet some local SF comedians and find out about more stages. Another comic on the show, 'Big Al' runs a great room every Monday called Live At The Deluxe.
The bar has been around since the 30's, and the beers were $3. After that show Al offered me a spot at 'The Improv' in San Jose tomorrow night, so we'll be taking a quick stop there before heading to LA for a few days.
Sunday during the day we went to the 'How Weird' street fair on Howard St. (get it?). The bartender in our Hotel told us that nakedness is where the weirdness starts. We were greeted at the gate by some of the organizers, one of which was asking us "Are you ready to get crazy? Are you guys ready to get weird? Anything goes in there. There's already been a groping, and a guy kicked his dog. Anything goes."
A guy kicked his dog? Does that really count as weird? I kinda feel like kicking your dog is just simply shitty and aggressive, I don't find anything weird about it at all. Once we got into the closed off section of Howard St. there wasn't much. A couple of Dj booths playing house/techno music and several people dressed up in various costumes. I was kind of hoping for some real San Francisco weirdness, but there was nary a groping or a dog kicking to be found. I'm sure the Pride Parade would be the real street party to check out.
This city is damn beautiful. Yesterday we walked through Golden Gate Park and saw some Canada Geese, among many other more colourful coastal birds that I've never seen before. The park is giant and easy to get lost in. At one point we noticed an ornate Japanese enclosure I. I started goofing off for Sylvana (it's kind of a thing I do) around the Japanese Tea Garden, and then began to walk on with her deeper along the path. About a half mile away I realized I'd left my bag (with the only set of car keys we have) back at the Tea Garden. I bolted back to the area and found my bag right where I had left it. Puffing and panting a man was walking his dog and remarked how great it was that the bag was still there. He then said something that I didn't really get until now. He told me that what happened is called 'Presence of Mind'. Not really getting it, but realizing that as a San Franciscan, he is a zen master and there must be something deeper behind what he said. So I did what anyone seeking spiritual answers does nowadays, I googled it, and Bam! Presence of Mind is discussed by the philosopher Alan Watts as being fully aware of what you are doing in that moment. Now you would think that if you had the presence of mind, you would not forget something as important as a bag containing the keys to your sole transport only 15% into your month and a half road trip, but you'd be wrong. Presence of mind means that you're so aware of what you are doing that your mind cannot possibly be aware of other things (like my bag lying under a table). So take that Mom, Dad, and Teacher! I'm not absent minded, quite the opposite in fact, I just have presence of mind. Love it.

...even more photos

These photos show the drive out of the Salt Flats and into the Nevada desert. All except the first one. Which is...as you can see. A tiny dog riding on the back of a dude's motorcycle on the I-80 just an hour outside of San Francisco.

More photos!

For some reason there's a Hampton Suites right in the middle of the desert. The 2nd photo is a good look at the stretch of I-80 across Wyoming. The 3rd is our campsite in the middle of downtown Salt Lake City. Then outside of Salt Lake is the Salt Flats. Basically a vast desert with an inch thick layer of salt over mud. When you check it out on Google earth it just shows up as a massive white patch. More photos on the way...

Photos!

Having some trouble with uploading a facebook album. So the following posts will be a series of a few picks we've taken along the way. From top left to right, going down, there the Dunes in Indiana on our first day out. Then there's the Iowa Sunset. After that there's Iowa cornfields, which pretty much sums up our entire experience and view driving through Iowa. Then we hit a major snowstorm for about 30min in Wyoming, followed by desert. To be continued....

The 24hr Trek

First I want to talk about our little road warrior. Our mode of transportation across America is a beige '97 Saturn with 275,000 kilometres on it, and no AC. Oh yeah...it also has a small engine oil and coolant leak. It also doesn't really like to start right after it's been driving for awhile, which has made it actually much more exciting as every time the engine starts it's like winning the lottery. As long as we keep up on the oil and collant I have full confidence that it's going to take us the rest of the way, but if it doesn't, Sly and I are ready for that to be part of the adventure. I hope it does take us all the way as I'm already growing quite fond of the little guy.
Onto to the trip. We spent Tuesday in Chicago, walking all through downtown. I had no idea Chicago had canals and drawbridges throughout it, which makes for a beautiful looking town, and as I said in my last entry, the place is spotless and full of flowers everywhere, nice touch.
We dropped off Derick at the O'Hare airport for his flight Wednesday morning to NY, then stopped to fill up on gas and check all the car's fluids again. Then the big trek began. We headed out of Chicago onto Interstate 80 at 12pm Wednesday and made it into Salt Lake City Thursday at 2:30pm (Google Map those cities and you'll see what I mean).
Sylvana took the first 10 hours out of Illinois and through Iowa. There isn't much to see along the I-80 but cornfields. As one gas station attendant explained "Iowa's a corn state" and it most certainly is. We stopped in Kearney, Nebraska to eat and then I started to drive. It was dark during Nebraska, so I can't really tell you what it looks like.
I began to drive through Nebraska into Wyoming, which is when a Tumbleweed (yes...a Tumbleweed!) rolled by. It was dark, but I could make out some large rocky hills to contrast the flat cornfields of Iowa and Nebraska. I started to get drowsy so we pulled over at a truck stop around 4:30am Thursday morning, filled up on gas and fell asleep. 7am we wake up and head out on the road again, only one difference, the sunny fields of Iowa have been replaced by the cold, overcast mountain range of Wyoming.
I've ever seen anything like this except in Westerns. As we headed past Cheyenne and up into the mountains just before a town called Laramie we ran into some unexpected weather...snow! Not just a little snow, I'm talking road covering, white-out blinding snow. At one point the Windshield wipers were getting covered in ice and not working as the snow blasted out window and large transport trucks were passing up, splashing up fresh slush to completely blind us while driving on snowy roads, and of course we don't have snow tires on. This insanity and near death experience only lasted about 30min until we drove past Laramie and into lower elevation, where the sun was out and the weather was warm again.
Through Wyoming the desert mountains were beautiful, until we entered Utah, and then I realized how much the mountains in Wyoming were total wussies in comparison. Utah mountains are massive and absolutely magnificent. I won't try to describe them any further, and will allow a photo blog which I'll post soon to show it.
Although we've been moving constantly there has been some interesting people along the way already. In Wyoming, I forgot to flush and a weathered and lanky old guy asked "Don't you flush" I went back in the stall and made some lame excuse about how it wasn't working before, flushed it, and then the guy looked at me and said "Won't it be nice when we don't have to worry about this anymore, when we're up in heaven. Won't it be wonderful?" I said, "Yeah it sure will." Which I think was the best way to answer. Somehow saying "No, heaven doesn't exist, and this life is all we have so enjoy it while you can...and I'll remember to flush", wouldn't have been the smartest move while stuck with him in a Wyoming gas station bathroom.
Now in Sunny Salt Lake City, just writing this in a Starbucks. Sylvana loves the people here, she says it reminds her of Whistler, B.C. including the friendly laid back people. She also saw a T-shirt that said "SLUT" , which actually stands for Salt Lake city Utah. We camped out at a KOA campground last night, which we didn't realize is right downtown. So we basically set up a tent on a "campsite" with a fence being the only thing blocking us from a city street, with people walking their dogs, going to work, etc. It was hilarious, it got so cold at night that after 4 hours of shaking, Sylvana declared it the "worst night of my life", but in true Sylvana fashion, she was still laughing the whole time. There's plenty more to talk about, but we're going to hit the road again. I'll have some photos up in the next few days to go along with the stories. Except for the guy in the bathroom talking about heaven, I don't have any photos of him.

Road Trip

So we took to the road Monday morning from Toronto. Stopped in London, Ont for a few hours and then headed out to Chicago. We got stopped at the border, basically the border patrol wanted to know we we're going to go back to Canada. Luckily my mom printed out a CAA triptik which showed where we were roughly planning on going or we would have been screwed.
Right through Detroit, across Michigan and finally stopping that night at the Indiana Dunes Visitor Center parking lot at around 11pm. First night of the road trip and we sleep in the car! The next morning we headed out to see the Indiana Dunes, and then about an hour into Chicago. Before Chicago we went through Gary, Indiana...holy fuck. This area has seen better days. It's frustrating to look at a town that once was and is no longer. Just rows of beautiful houses that have been abandoned for twenty or more years. It's frustrating to think that you could have a vibrant area full of people, and then due to the ebb and flow of 'The Market', the city can just die. I know it happens all over and all the time, but just go to Gary, Indiana, you'll see what I mean.
Into Chicago, we find a best Buy to buy a cell phone for the trip. God Bless American cell phone plans, $60 unlimited nationwide talk and int texting. We are getting screwed in Canada. Chicago is squeaky clean and full of flowers... seriously there are beds of tulips everywhere. We walked around the city all day, stopped to get some beers at 'Dick's Last Resort' which is right on the Canal. Ordered a KanaWanaLeYa (get it) which came in a Cocconut Head which we kept for $2.50. Stayed at my friend Derick Lengwenus' house with his wife Karla. Drove Derick to the Airport for his Just For Laughs audition in NY (break a leg buddy).
Stopped here at the Starbucks and about to head for a 24hour stretch from Chicago to Salt Lake City Utah. There's a lot more details, but no time, gotta head out there.
So far our '95 Saturn that leaks oil and has no AC is alive and well.
More updates soon.